Monica Hodgson
9/2/2009
6:01:32 PM | I am at a loss for words right now. I want my Dad back so bad. It feels like with time instead of healing my grief has worsened. I miss him so much and wish he was here to just hug or talk. My heart is broken and I am devestated by this loss and do not know how to deal with it. I just want him back or would trade places if it would only take my siblings pain away. I am haunted by nightmares and wish they would go away. I wish I could see him, hear him, or just hug him. I miss my Dad. I do not know how to move on without losing his memory. I want to hear his voice and can't. I don't even remember what it sounds like. But, I am pretty sure even if I heard it I would cry. It seems like the whole world is moving on just fine and it feels like I am the only one struggling with this loss. I know it has been almost two years but I just can't get over the fact that he is gone. He isn't coming back and it seems so unfair. My Dad always knew what to say and I could really use some of his advice right now. I wish I could be as carefree, relaxed and easy-going as he was. Could anyone just tell me how to cope or some methods of how they are coping. Anything please! I know the pain isn't going to lessen and there are going to be certain points or moments in my life where that pain is going to be even worse. But, I want it to ease up for now. I still feel as if it was just yesterday he died and the pain is just as bad. I feel like some rip the ground right out from under me and I am just free falling. For some reason today is particularly hard on me. Maybe because I could have sworn I some him the other day just watching me. Almost with a sad expression on his face. Like he was disappointed that he is missing out. Miranda said she had a dream the other night that he came to her. She called out I miss you so much Daddy. She said it aloud which is even more heart breaking. But, she said that Daddy looked so sad and gave off the feeling that he was disappointed in himself for letting her down and not being there. I know he is supposed to be in a better place. But, I want him on Earth with us. Can somebody, anybody give me advice? |
