10/5/2011
9:44:34 PM | I miss you so much, Daddy. You should see everyone. You would be proud of them because they do what makes them happy. I know your looking down on us and smiling. You and Grandma are our Guardian Angels but I wish you were here. Maybe things would be so much easier. I know you can see Aidan and would have loved to meet him. I wonder everyday what you think about how everything and everyone has turned out. You wouldn't believe it but Aunt Sarah is getting married and expecting I believe. I wish I could talk to you. I had this horrible realization the other night when I woke up and I couldn't help but cry. It kind of really hit me that your really gone and I just broke down. The pain is still just as strong as the day we found out. I know Grandma is with you and probably really happy to be reunited with you and her babies. I'm sure she misses all of us as much as we miss her. I wish she could have gotten to meet Aidan. But, I can imagine what she would have said 'Precious'. I miss her. Life seems so unfair and I'm sitting here by myself crying my eyes out. I always cry when I'm alone. It's easier on me and everyone around me. I don't think I will ever get over losing you or Grandma. It still upsets me to think about y'all. I try my hardest not to talk about you guys at all. I know it seems mean but it eases the pain a little. It is still really hard to talk about you and Grandma. Randa likes to tell stories about you guys all the time though. She misses you a lot. We all do. I don't think you know what your losses did to everybody. I'm a watcher. I tend to observe everyone's behaviors or reactions. Some of these reactions I wish I could forget but it's seems that my mind won't let me. It makes the losses even more devestating for me. I hate seen everyone in pain especially my siblings. I'm afraid that this is a wound that time can never fully heal. I miss and love you both. Keep an eye on everyone and make sure they stay safe. I hope I will see you guys again. |
